Call me Dreamer: "Something in the Rain"

happy animation GIF by Finger Industries

Can anyone relate?

The last couple of days of "actual" Spring Break (though, nowadays, the days are bleeding together), I felt super lethargic. I slept a lot, but no matter how much I slept or what I did, there was a sense of inherent tiredness that I could not seem to shake off. I did not really want to do anything either. A couple days ago, I went running outside to run without my backpack and not because it was raining, cold, or because I was about to be late to something. Just, to purely run.

There were a lot of people considering the weather was cloudy. Any moment, it seemed like the clouds would burst like pricked water balloons. I did not know any of them. Who they were, why they were biking, walking, running. I wondered if they had felt as claustrophobic as I had felt. I wondered if they were also wondering how to spend their time. I wondered if this was their answer. The thing about running is-I am not very good at it, but maybe because I am not that good at it. I can't think about anything at all while I'm doing it. I'm too busy trying to figure out how to breathe. How to move my legs forward-one stride at a time.

It did start raining eventually. Refreshing droplets urging me to run faster so I didn't get trapped in the rain, but by the time I got back to my neighbourhood-I was tired. Recently, they added swings in our neighborhood playground. I've always loved swings. It's the closest you can get to flying while being tethered to the ground. As the rain poured, I kept swinging and listening to music. There was no one else in the park and no one outside ambling about. It was pretty much the same as inside my house where it felt like the world was disconnected and society was somewhere else. Each and every one of us in our own worlds living in parallel lines.

But, that moment in the rain, while I stretched my legs out as far as I could, swung higher and higher, raindrops streaking my face, and the music started to hit the chorus, I felt completely alive. More than I have in a while. Ah...the world is still going. Even though it seems like it has stopped. The world is still going. The earth is still turning. Regardless of me-if I stop living or keep living, or don't do anything at all. My actions are non-consequential. The world will still keep going like it has done as far as I can remember and history can recall with or without me. It was something I'd always known, but at that moment I felt it acutely in the form of reassurance.

There are places more affected and places that are still in relative calm. Everyone deals with crises differently. Fear and panic manifest through words and actions or lack of in everybody. Be kind to someone who is dealing with it differently then you are. Be understanding and continue to live your life to the best of your ability within the constrictions.

If you just want to talk to someone, please feel free to message me or video me on Facebook or Instagram or wherever :)

Right now, I'm trying to live like this:

"Everyone is given time, but the depth of time varies by a person" (Itaewon Class Ep4) [we may not all necessarily live the same amount of time, but what are we doing with the time that we have?]

"Gotta go insane to stay sane"(BTS-ON) [I interpreted this as you have got to go "insane" for something-pursue something insanely to stay sane otherwise there's always this emptiness, this why of what am I doing?]

I am trying to fulfill my time wisely for practical commitments but also doing things that make me smile for my own sanity.

Quaranteens Playlist:

I'm Coming Home-Skylar Grey