Encountering Nature

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the relationship between humans and nature. The two trips I took this year brought those thoughts to the forefront: Yellowstone National Park and the islands in the South China Sea in Thailand like Koh Samui, Koh Tao, Koh Nangyuan (note: Koh=island)

When I returned from the islands and landed in Bangkok airport, the amount of noise and people jarred me and it took a bit to time to adjust from living in the relatively quiet and low hustle-bustle of the island to the real world. I liked the feeling of an untouched sanctuary in Yellowstone where things have been pretty much the same for as far as we can remember collectively as the human race. Obviously, there are some manmade disruptions to the landscape, but for the most part, I think the park epitomizes when we-humans- let nature take its course and consequently we become the ones in the cage.  The islands must have been like that once too, but now they are tourist attractions (specifically, Koh Samui though not to the level of Phuket) and there is construction everywhere as more villas on stilts pop up and the mountain is carved more and more. Koh Nangyuan (a private island) and to an extent Koh Tao still retain that pristineness i.e. the lack of human touch.

Going back to nature, it saddened me how many of the corals I encountered while snorkeling were dying or dead. There were some happy spots. However, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd come here 10 years ago, maybe I'd be seeing a different sight? With Yellowstone, I didn't feel that way at all, I was just in awe the entire time and here the views, the colors of the water, and the creatures left me in awe, but seeing the corals or lack thereof made me somber.

When you're snorkeling and I'd assume it's similar when you're scuba diving, there's just you and the water. The world around you goes completely silent and it's like you're blessed to your own private movie. It's mesmerizing to a degree where you can't keep track of time and when you pop your head out of the water you take a minute to get your bearings because underwater there's no horizon. You're just following after the corals and the fish and whatever creatures you see. Viewing beautiful landscapes leaves me speechless, but its inhabitants (the living creatures) is what I think gives them their charm and character. Without it, what's the difference between 2 cities? Why do people go to different cities in the first place-they all have your basic skyscrapers, huge malls with branded names, and good places to eat?



I watched the documentary,Chasing Ice,  recently and it put things into the perspective of the climate change timeline. I definitely recommend watching it! (There's also Chasing Coral <3 I found them on Netflix!) One of the things James Balog, the one leading and conducting the Extreme Ice Survey (i.e. photographing  glaciers in real time to create time-lapses to see how much they are receding), said that really stuck with me was the fact that we see geologic events as something that happened in the past or something that will happen in the future, but its happening right now and he also said when my daughters ask what were you doing when this was going on, I'll tell them I was doing everything I know how to do.

When you see the Grand Canyon, or the numerous springs in Yellowstone, or even these islands, we see them as history books similar to how we view the Pyramids in Giza or the palaces in Istanbul. I'm sure I'd get personal proof if I went back to snorkel in Thailand or Jamaica in a couple of years that climate change is without a doubt real. Obviously, I probably won't return, but I don't need personal proof to know something is true. When we are presented with facts or ideas or speculations, its not because its a fact that it's true, its what our beliefs are that make anything true. Everyone is made up of their own truths.

I wish I had James Balog's confidence in saying I can tell the generations after me that I was doing something profound about climate change. At the very least, I'll try to make myself more knowledgable about it and maybe someday I can play my part.


Hello :) How is everyone doing? Thank you so much for reading my last post and all the kind comments <3 Recently, I've been readings Inferno by Dan Brown, The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur, and of course listening to music:

Summer Vibes Playlist:

I don't know exactly why, but hearing the news about Kyoto Animation made me really sad. 

I'm glad that the director of KyoAni is first and foremost thinking about the feelings of those who survived when moving forward with what to do about Studio 1 as well as their future/ongoing projects. Of course, I personally want to see more KyoAni, but that's just a selfish desire. I looked into the stuff they've animated and I was surprised that I've watched more than I thought and quite a few are on my plan-to-watch list like Koe no Katachi (A Silent Voice) and Nichijou (My Ordinary Life). Like Gigguk says in the following video, "I don't even know if the people who worked on this [the shows and movies] are alive anymore", but I want to send them my prayers, blessings, and thanks in my own way.

<3 There's  a link to the GoFundMe in the description of the video as well as their official page for buying prints if you want to support KyoAni directly <3:

As such I wanted to highlight my favorite KyoAni songs in today's Summer Vibes Playlist:

1) God Knows-Aya Hirano (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya *English lyrics in description*)
This is just so badass in my opinion, but this show was really good as well as the movie continuation

2) Toki o Kizama Uta (A Song to Pass the Time)-Lia (Clannad After Story OP)
Clannad was one of the first anime I ever watched and After Story made me bawl like a baby

3) Daisy-Stereo Dive Foundation (Kyoukai no Kanata/Beyond the Boundary ED)

Akihito and Hiroomis friendship is just full of LOL moments

4) Heading Over-Old Codex (Free! S3-Dive to the Future OP)
I love sports anime and I love Free! I've watched all 3 seasons as well as the movies (even the compilation ones, except Road to the World which compiles S3 which came out this year) I think it's really cool that you get to see the characters grow from when they were kids to the present season where they're in college which parallels with my own life.

5) Koi wo Shita no Wa-Aiko (Koe no Katachi/A Silent Voice)
I haven't watched this, but I know the gist of the story and I remember when everyone was talking about Kimi No Na Wa and it switched to everyone talking about Koe no Katachi. I already know I'm going to cry while watching it so I've been holding off on it.

6) Sincerely-TRUE (Violet Evergarden OP)
I haven't watched the full anime, but the scenes I have watched are breathtakingly beautiful and melancholic and I really like the concept of the story so I'll definitely be checking it out

Help Yourself Buffet

Can anyone relate?

One of the things I struggled while growing up, which accumulated internally and led to problems later on in life, was asking for help.

Recently, I've felt that asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness in society. I think that's damaging and that culture needs to change.

Let me back up and explain. When I meant asking for help, it wasn't about asking for help on a question I didn't understand or something was too heavy to carry, it was more about internal demons that I didn't even realize I had in the beginning. Growing up moving around, I'd gotten used to being the person who filled the role of listener or problem solver. I've always liked helping people so it never bothered me until I realized no one ever asked about me and if I had any problems. So I couldn't help but wonder, are these people really my friends or am I just being used cause I am a convenient, impartial moderator? When things were bad, I'd always be relied on, but when things were good, I felt excluded and alone even when I was with other people. However, I had already sealed my own fate because of the way I acted in front of them as someone with an outgoing, slightly clumsy, fun-loving, nerd personality. I had never opened myself up so it was hypocritical of me to even expect them to know how am I feeling when they didn't even know who I really was. In my head, I also knew I wasn't the only one putting on a farce.  We did it because we wouldn't be involved in drama, we'd fit in better for those 2-3 years before everyone moved again to a new place, and moved on with their lives. Once again, like clockwork, the persona creation would begin. The last mask becoming a forgotten tale.

One of the things I regret the most is not being honest about how hurt I was and how much trust I lost in people due to those recurring incidents. My motto of not being involved in drama got even stronger to the point I decided I didn't want to be involved in any cliques. From then on, I never had one solid group of friends, rather I had close "friends" scattered across a couple of different groups. It was a very conscious choice because I didn't want a repeat of what had happened before and I was tired of drama and tired of being stuck between people. That's all hypothetical though. I don't how it would've really turned out if I had trusted people more because I never tried. I was so afraid. I built my own icy barricade: isolation. At school, I only made small talk about classes, teachers, the latest movies or music, and joked around. Surface level stuff. Again, I ended up talking about things that didn't matter.

. 

Things got much worse before they got better and I don't know if I'll talk about it here, but the important thing is I'm okay now. Honestly, I'm happy and I've definitely found peace within myself. The reason why I wrote this is because I think everyone has a struggle. Everyone is worried and stressed about something. The biggest problem in today's society is the amount of pressure we put on ourselves not what society puts on us.  We don't take our happiness as our own. Instead, we validate happiness on what society thinks makes us happy. You got a good grade, you should be happy. You're dating, you should be happy all the time. People are so stressed about being happy. It's become an endless game till you die. If you set this goal and achieve it, you should be happy. Why is it a cause and effect? Shouldn't happiness just exist?

Don't seek happiness from results-my dad always says. You should be happy every day and you could be sad every day too. Emotions have never been and never should be quantifiable. This also means your happiness or your sadness cannot be compared to someone else's. Everyone experiences life differently so let them be. I'm not very religious, but I personally believe in finding happiness in little things. However, people have different philosophies and I understand that, but regardless you're human, so something must make you happy. Find those things that make you happy and build yourself up, become stronger.

The other reason why I wrote the post is because I don't want people to reach the low point I did to get help. Shutting yourself off will only bring you more pain later on. I'm sure every one of you reading this has at least one person who you know who cares about you. Be honest with that person, be you!

Also, I wanted to let people know that I am available through Facebook, Instagram: tikiparrot, or Email: avantika.bhaduri@gmail.com if you just need someone to be there for you and listen to. Sometimes its easier to talk to people who don't know as much about your whole situation, but talking to someone regardless of who helps, trust me :) Please don't be afraid to reach out!!! Even if you feel like a failure, ashamed at yourself, embarrassed, and you know its only your fault for how things ended up. It doesn't matter what your story is-I will always be here to listen with no judgment <3 Here's a cat video->

I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for some amazing people. Thank you to them. You know who you are. I love you so much <3 It really scares me that I almost chose to give up the life I'm living right now, but I am so happy that I didn't because I've never been happier and felt as free.

Here are 5 more songs that have been stuck in my head :) How is everyone doing?

Summer Vibes Playlist:

Grow As We Go-Ben Platt 

Hurt You-The Weeknd feat. Gesaffelstein

Fukyouwan-Keyizaka 46 (covered by Kobasola) *If you want to see the lyrics, auto-translate from Japanese to English in the captions*

Chica-Chungha (I like this more than Snapping tbh, both are bops though)

Me Enamore-Shakira (I've listened to this album *El Dorado* since it came out, but I'm still not tired of it- love Nada)

The Addiction of Reward

Can anyone relate? 

Like many people, I really love boba (bubble tea). I am fortunate to live in Houston and especially a part of Houston where you could drive 10 minutes (sometimes less) and find a boba place in any direction. My mom knows very well I like boba and it hasn't stopped in college. I could count in one hand the number of times I've gotten Starbucks at college, but let's just say that would be not possible for the boba count. However, the boba scene is sort of lacking here. There's one shop and compared to Houston it's definitely expensive (and not as great) so I decided I should get the app so my boba purchases are more meaningful and won't be in vain. Collecting bubbles definitely gives me some seventh kind of happiness and with certain amounts of bubbles, you get free drinks and you get upgraded like a game to a different level of boba drinking. Best part, birthday boba <3

Peaceful Cuisine-How to make Bubble Tea

Anyways, let me stop gushing about boba for a moment and come to the point. Believe it or not, I actually did not get a single boba in June which is impressive for me considering the second semester, I'd say I was getting boba on average once a week give or take a few weeks. As I mentioned before, it wasn't because the boba was amazing-after trying out the menu, I pretty much stuck to one thing-but more because of earning bubbles. That really got me to thinking about the addiction of reward systems. Initially, one gets an app for boba or Starbucks or etc because if you go to a place often enough, then its better to have the app due to monetary saving which is a valid logical goal. 

However, there's a catch. Sometime in May, I got Potbelly (choose 2) and on the bottom of my receipt, it said you get 50% off if you come within the next couple of days or so and I was so happy. I could get the same amount of food I just got for less money. I was talking to a close friend about it and he started laughing when I told him how happy I was and I was confused so I told him, "It's a great deal isn't it?" and he continued laughing. Finally, he said, "That's how they get you! You're going to keep eating Potbelly?"

Ahhh...I finally understood my naivety. 

Meet the Inventor of Boba in Taiwan-Asian Boss (interview starts around 1:45)

With a reward system whether it's collecting bubbles or a discount on your next purchase, if you give in to it, then in actuality you end up spending more money rather than if you didn't have the reward system (in my case, the app). You'd feel less inclined to go buy it because there's nothing in it for you except a refreshing drink that you can finish in 5 minutes. Therefore, you would not want to spend the money on it. I actually haven't deleted the app yet, but I started crossing earlier and walking on the other side of the road so I wouldn't be tempted at all. 

Do you remember how I said my mom was well aware of how much I loved boba? Earlier this month, in an effort to dissuade me, she sent me 2 articles. Actually, the news was the same. I asked her why she sent me the same story twice from different sources and she said so I'd know its true. I've shared the articles below as well as another article from an incident in 2015 which also dealt with hard to digest boba. Read at your own risk ;)

Articles:

• Over 100 bubble tea balls got stuck in a teen’s digestive tract and made her constipated for nearly a week. Here’s how that’s possible.
• DOCTORS DISCOVER OVER 100 UNDIGESTED BUBBLE TEA BALLS INSIDE TEENAGE GIRL
• Fake Chinese bubble tea pearls made from old tyres, shoe soles – report

Sorry Mom, I'm still going to drink Boba as soon as I get back to Houston <3

And of course, here's my Summer Vibes playlist-Happy July 4th everyone! Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer! Please let me know what your favorite boba flavor is+shop as well as what other summer drinks you enjoy :)

P.S. The addiction of reward interests me so I'll probably write more about it later especially since I want to explore the intersection of the psychological and scientific factors regarding the reward pathway in the brain which leads to substance abuse and addiction

Summer Vibes Playlist:

1) Peace of Mind-Avicii ft. Vargas and Lagola (Check out the full Posthumous Album-Tim!)

2) Uchiage Hanabi-Kenshi YonezuxDaoko (In honor of July 4th, had to put a song about fireworks, but honestly I love Kenshi Yonezu <3 DON'T FORGET TO TURN ON CAPTIONS)

3) Rescue Me-One Republic (a bop!)

4) Stand Out Fit In-One Ok Rock (this video made me cry the first time I watched it <3 :(

5) Cross Me- Ed Sheeran feat. Chance the Rapper and PnB Rac (such a COOL video so check it out, but it won't let me link it *tears*-VFX <3 !!!)

Lost in June

This month, I have been living alone in the dorms and having been thrust more responsibility than usual college life (making my own meals, doing groceries), I have had more time for rumination recently. I have gone back to the whimsical me of when I am walking down the streets, listening to music, I can transport myself to another world, another story, another me. Is that relatable or weird? I don't know. Either way, at the beginning of the summer, both my mind and heart were in a state of confusion. It is not like I did not have a plan for the future, I had plans. I could do this or this or this and if I did this then I could do that or if I didn't do this that path is closed. My mom said to stop overthinking. She's probably right, but I can't help but think:

Again, I'm standing on a precipice

Unsure of which way to turn

I waste time deciding 

As the world moves along, 

      I

      Fall.

Does everyone have this inherent feeling that they are going to screw up? It is not from the gap between expectations and reality that causes this unrest in my heart. I know exactly what I am capable of while anchored by my flaws. Talking to people older than me and asking, how did you decide this was it, this is what I  am binding my life to, this is who I am going to be from now on, definitely provided clarity. It helped me narrow down my possibilities and made me realize, for example, plan B is probably something I do not want to do.  However, pursuing a passion is more important than a plan. Ideally, the plan should be pursuing your passion effectively. 

“Every last person I've seen was the same way. Whether it was booze, women or even God. Family, the king, dreams, children, power... They couldn't keep going unless they were drunk on something. They were all slaves to something.” 

― Hajime Isayama, 進撃の巨人 17 [Shingeki no Kyojin 17]

So, what am I passionate about? 

Human Connection. 

That sounds rather broad and self-important, but I think that's about the closest I can come to describing what I am passionate about and what kind of legacy I want to leave behind. 

Finding people who understand, love, and respect you despite knowing you is the greatest gift of all. If you even have one person on your side, you feel good. Inside, you feel full. 

Like I said, this is not a solid conclusion, but I have realized I need to stop being so focused on paths and just do stuff I want to do- in regards to classes particularly. Yes, you are bound by major and minor and whatever other self-constraint you have put on yourself, but there is still room to take classes you want just because you are interested in it.  

Honestly, the class I am most excited for next semester is my topics in film class which centers around storytelling and cinema. I thought about changing my schedule (to make it more hmmm... competitive?), but at the end of the day, I decided to trust the "me" of that time who made those decisions because it wasn't without thought. 

Writing and reading again and finding gems whether its a show or a song that just resonates with me, as well having multiple meaningful conversations this past month has just helped me figure myself out a little bit more and given me a bit more confidence in myself.

Obviously, I still haven't figured out everything, but one thing I do know is that I'll continue to do my best and war within myself to achieve that best with a little from everyone else :)

I haven't done this awhile, but I wanted to share my Summer Vibes playlist so here it is, the songs that have been on repeat:

Summer Vibes Playlist:

1) Senorita-Shawn Mendes, Camilla Cabello (Finally another collab!!!)

                             2) Reset-Mukai Taichi (Loved Run with the Wind and loved both Endings)

3) Mystery of Love-Sufjan Stevens (Haven't watched the movie yet, but I already got all the feels from this song)

4) Dream Glow-BTS (Feat. Charli XCX) (Jimin's voice in this)

5) Shoukei to Shikabane no Michi-Linked Horizon (This w/ Headphones+Attack on Titan was <3 Also check out the anime March Comes in like a Lion !!!)