I'm at a crossroads. I just don't know which way to go anymore. Since I was little, its always been clear that education is what matters. Education will give you social respect, security, and happiness. Without education, where will you be? Where will you go? I've heard two things constantly throughout my life. Succeeding at school will lead to a good college which will lead to a better life. Cause and effect goals. The second thing I've heard is-education is not for everybody. Now what that means is, that some people aren't meant to succeed in what is considered the "core" subjects, but rather succeed in sports or the apparently out-of-reach, never-gonna-happen, arts.
Its becoming clearer to me that these choices about my future-the rest of my life-make it or break it-yeah those thoughtless ones are starting to arrive and I'm dreading it because I don't know if I want to go to college. Then I ask myself, if I don't want to go why do I try so hard at school? I guess like everybody in high school I'm trying to keep my options open. I've always wondered about a gap year. Yes, that classic backpacking through Europe trip has crossed mind more than once. More times than I would like to admit. I just feel like I wouldn't be good at anything.
Honestly, I just want to travel and learn about this world. I want to eat new foods and sit in strangers houses. I want to talk to them and dress like them and see their lives. I want to be a good person. I want to help. I want to be remembered. I want to be proud of my life. I don't want regrets. I don't want to go completely off the deep end either. I want to be happy. I just don't think I can settle. When good things happen to me, I don't throw them away, but I just live them down like it doesn't matter. Because truly, who am I in this world? I'm nobody.
And in the end, doesn't everybody want to be somebody?
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